In 1997, I stood on a platform on the Moscow Metro and thought about throwing myself under an incoming train, but I didn't because the policeman hovering around me made me think twice about taking my life. I didn't want to be like Anna Karenina! This thought kept my presence of mind.
Not long after this I had a psychotic breakdown. When I left the psychiatric hospital in Kilmarnock, Scotland, I had a diagnosis of schizophrenia, no real support network besides my family, no friends, a lifetime of medication ahead of me, potential drug-induced weight gain, and a great lack of future. I felt very lonely, unloved, and misunderstood. I felt depressed and worthless. I felt suicidal. But my parents had at least offered me a home and many people are not so lucky.
Indeed, many schizophrenic patients experience the early stages of their illness as some kind of bereavement. Even then I was yet to experience the full stigma of mental illness and this knocked me even further.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO) 1 in 100 people in general will commit suicide {WHO Fact Sheet, June 17, 2021, Suicide (who.int)}. But for people suffering from schizophrenia recent research found 4.9% will eventually commit suicide. Also, the life expectancy for those suffering from schizophrenia is 15-20 years less than those without the condition.
Schizophrenia is a major mental illness the management for which requires essential coordinated input from primary care, the community mental health teams, social workers…
housing advocates, advocacy services, plus assistance from the voluntary sector, and sectors and other agencies. These include better drug treatment and compliance, better education for patients, careers, the general public, and better reporting of suicide in the media. Patients need more support, early intervention, family intervention, cognitive therapy, supported accommodation, and better accommodation in general.
Housing is central to supporting patients living in the community.
According to Maurice Pompili and colleagues, the schizophrenic patient more likely to commit suicide is young, male, white and never married, with good premorbid function, post -psychotic depression and a history of substance abuse and suicide attempts {“Suicide Risk in Schizophrenia: Learning from the Past to Change the Future, Suicide risk in schizophrenia: learning from the past to change the future - PubMed (nih.gov) }. Hopelessness, social isolation, hospitalizations, deteriorating health after a high level of premorbid functioning, recent loss or rejection, limited external support and family stress or instability are risk factors.
....Suicidal schizophrenics usually fear further mental deterioration and they experience either excessive treatment dependence or loss of faith in treatment. I was also interested to read that it is difficult to determine if 'command hallucinations' play a part in suicide.
I have many friends and know of people who have contemplated, attempted or actually committed suicide or taken their own lives. I know so many stories of persons who have dealt with notions of suicide.
One such story had a deeply upsetting effect on me. She was a young schizophrenic woman in Glasgow called Lisa Montgomery. I heard her story one evening at Kintyre Christian Fellowship from the minister at Sandyford Church in Glasgow. He told us his son was schizophrenic and was now living in supported accommodation. His son and Lisa had befriended each other in the hospital. Lisa attempted suicide and survived and it resulted in her ending up in Kidney Dialysis. A few years later I read of her death in the Glasgow Herald. This was very upsetting indeed and showed a failed suicide attempt could be worse.
Recently, I wanted to take my own life. I still worry about the future, unemployment, becoming homeless, not being able to pay the bills, and the pressure of caring for my brother who also suffers from schizophrenia and has kidney failure. I worry about his future. In addition to this, I am age 50 and menopausal and suffer from bad anxiety and depression. It is difficult to admit, but for a time the thought of a suicide pact with my brother actually seemed the only way out.
I have only got through this dark period with the help of my community psychiatric nurse, some good friends, and my brother. Also, at night, I did reach out and called a telephone helpline called 'Breathing Space' based in Scotland. I spoke to a psychologist, and he really helped. He gave me honest advice.
If you feel suicidal then you must talk to someone. People are talking about suicide more these days. It is not taboo. It can devastate families and is preventable. Writing things down and writing letters can help too. {See article by Stephen Wilson in “Second City Teachers,” June 2021, about Doctor Motto's research project from 1969 to 1974, Second City Teachers: June 2021 .}
Just writing this has helped me—and I hope it helps others. Just having someone who cares and can listen helps. There may even come a time when the person who is suffering may be able to shift from worrying about oneself only and see things in a new light. May be able to help others. May be able to laugh again.
Unfortunately, some people can be very cruel and see suicide as a coward's way out. One recent story shocked me when my friend Janet's daughter died. A horrible rumor went about that her daughter had committed suicide. A visitor came to Janet's house and told her "You do know your daughter will not be in God's care now!" This man was a church leader! It was a terrible and cruel thing to say. Such a lack of empathy doesn't help the situation. I told Janet he was out of order.
My advice is if you feel suicidal and you are struggling you should reach out and talk to someone. There is always something that can be done to help. Ask for help and do not suffer alone and in silence.
(The names of some people in this article have been changed to respect confidentiality.)