We interviewed Paulette – a real person yes! – before and we got a lot of good hints for how to help the unhoused who need our assistance in negotiating the frustration out there on the streets. Paulette has lots of good advice on how to get the unhoused to trust helpers – and how to convince them to try to hold on! (Paulette: One of God's Angels - by Thomas Hansen (substack.com))
So now we are going back to Paulette and getting more help.
First, she reminds us we are NOT out on the street to judge the homeless. We have NO idea why they wound up without a home. Our job is to take them from where they are and help them move forward. We do not want to do everything for them. Instead, we want to encourage them to participate in their recovery, their salvation, their moving back toward an indoor life.
Paulette reminds us to encourage them and to “make them feel good about themselves, be understanding – knowing that they have been through quite a bit just by being in that condition – and offer prayers, offer resources, and sometimes just a little touch on the shoulder…” We don’t need to be aggressive or forceful. We just need to talk to them and not focus on whatever put them on the street. Maybe a disaster did.
In treating them nicely, we can “let them know they are still loved ‘cuz so many people walk away from them.” Paulette tells us to “treat them like an important member of society.” She reminds us also we could just as easily be that homeless person.
Paulette is an angel among us!
Paulette had one individual for whom she was the biggest advocate. She helped pay his bills, helped him get a place to live. She fought for him, got him furniture and sheets, pillows and towels. He eventually could not overcome his demons, unfortunately. However, she tried to the very last day to help him. She did not judge him. She kept trying to help him, encouraging him, and standing up for him.
Treating others the way we would want to be treated.
All of this straightforward and helpful information tells us to be decent to people who go through a lot, people who often are shunned by others walking by, and individuals who have been thrown away by their family and their friends. Once a person is so far down that they are unroofed, they often cannot lend you money, they cannot buy you dinner, they will not be going drinking or dancing with you for awhile.
Homeless people are no fun. That is what Jerry says. “Homeless guys cannot be trusted, they are dirty and scary!” That’s what he reports strangers have yelled at him. People have screamed at him to not touch them, to get away. “Non-homeless people are the scary ones,” he says.
Jerry has been homeless “a couple years,” he admits. Various things have led to him sleeping on trains and in other places to get by. A friend let him sleep on his couch for a couple nights when the weather was “an angry m*therf#cker,” he laughs. “I would have frozen to death!” He is “thankful as hell” his buddy let him crash there. But once the weather was back to normal, Jerry was told to get out.
What is the most helpful to homeless people? “It is good if people can be decent to us and not treat us like sh*t,” he explains.
Jerry complains that everywhere you go as a homeless person, somebody is constantly bothering you. “People are rude to us all day long.” He explains how when he goes to a library to warm up, the employees will scream, “Sir, are you alright?!” That is their way of waking people up. Jerry laughs. “I guess they think we only need 2 or 3 hours of sleep at night… that’s about all we ever get.” He adds, “It would be damn interesting to see how they could do their little stupid library jobs without any sleep.”
The theme of just being decent to the unhoused comes up in many of the interviews the writers of StreetSense have completed, and in many other places too. Just being decent?
The importance of treating decently came up in the interview we did with “Johnny” when talking about counselors and case workers. “This treatment of homeless clients like they are children or retarded is very common, Johnny insists. I tell him it sounds like they are making him and other homeless people play a sort of game. Johnny agrees…” (Interview with Johnny - by Thomas Hansen - StreetSense (substack.com)).
I am reminded of Carl Rogers when I listen to how Paulette reminds us how we absolutely must treat the unroofed with love and remind them they are loved. They are still loved.
Carl Rogers
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Rogers was a psychologist who spoke of treating patients with something he called “unconditional positive regard” (1956). Originally developed by Standal, this approach was expanded and put into great use by Rogers. It is perhaps what has made him the most famous.
To explain further, “When you have unconditional positive regard for someone, nothing they can do could give you a reason to stop seeing them as inherently human and inherently lovable. It does not mean that you accept each and every action taken by the person, but that you accept who they are at a level much deeper than surface behavior” (Rogers, quoted in Ackerman, What is Unconditional Positive Regard in Psychology? (positivepsychology.com)).
Whether someone is a professor of social work, a researcher, a grassroots street helper, a counselor, a therapist, or a friend, anyone can muster enough strength to be decent to others. It is the reminders of helpers in the street that keep us all on track as we attempt to encourage the homeless to not give up.
Do not give up, homeless persons! Do not despair, unroofed residents! We have your back!
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For further reading:
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Ackerman, Courtney (May 22, 2018). What is Unconditional Positive Regard in Psychology? Positive Psychology.com What is Unconditional Positive Regard in Psychology? (positivepsychology.com)
Valerie Forgeard Forgeard, Valerie, The Golden Rule in Practice: Treating Others as you’d Like to be Treated. (December 5, 2023). Brillantio. The Golden Rule in Practice: Treating Others as You'd Like to Be Treated - Brilliantio
Rogers, Carl (1956). Client-Centered Therapy (3 ed.). Boston: Houghton-Mifflin.